Проверьте, пожалуйста. The young officer Almazov wants to go to the academy and to serve...

Question

Проверьте, пожалуйста.
The young officer Almazov wants to go to the academy and to serve in the regiment. Professor at the Academy refuses to accept a job, which was written by the officer. Almazov made a mistake. He painted a bush.
Officer's wife found out about the situation and helped her husband. Vera has sold all her jewelry and she gave the money to the gardener. He planted a lilac bush. Almazov showed bush professor, an officer entered the academy

Comments

верно вроде бы

Answer 1

Не везде понятен смысл, но попробую догадаться. Я бы внёс такие правки:

Young officer Almazov wanted to enter the Academy and to serve in the regiment. Professor at the Academy rejected job (painting, может быть, если подходит по смыслу? речь идёт не о написанном сочинении, а о написанной картине? если так, то written не подойдёт) by the officer. Almazov made a mistake - he painted a bush absent in reality. 

Officer's wife found out about the situation and helped her husband. Vera sold all her jewelry and paid the gardener who planted a lilac bush. Almazov showed professor the bush, an so the officer managed to enter the Academy.