a) A banker is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
b) A diplomat is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain
c) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today
d) A mathematician is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
e) A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
f) A programmer is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
g) A psychologist is a man whom you pay a lot of money to ask you questions that your wife asks free of charge.
h) A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
i) A sociologist is a person who doesn't have a job but at least understands why.
j) A professor is someone who, when a beautiful women enters the room and everybody look at her, looks at everybody
k) A modern artist is – one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.