Проверьте, пожалуйста, сочинение по англ. яз.!!! First of all, let me introduce myself....

Question

Проверьте, пожалуйста, сочинение по англ. яз.!!!

First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Olga. I am eighteen years old. I am a student in the eleventh grade. I have two older sisters, Julia and Irina. Julia twenty-eight years, she works as a teacher of Russian language and literature. Irina twelve-five, she a doctor by profession. I also have three nephews, Zechariah, Daniel and Varyushka. I love them very much. My parents are very caring. mother's name Lyudmila, she is a housewife. My dad called Vladimir, he joined the staff of the departmental security. I forgot to mention one more member of our family. This - our favorite cat Eve.
I am fond of photography. In the summer I like to photograph nature, it is so beautiful. I also collect bells. I have them for almost thirty pieces. After 3 weeks I will finish my school and I need to decide which career to choose. I want to be an economist in the industry taxes and taxation. My grandparents are still very young, my grandmother seventy three and grandfather eighty four. Grandma like to do on the farm, and they spend all their time growing tomatoes, potatoes, onions, strawberries, raspberries. A grandfather always something to master, he carpenter by profession. I love them very much!

Answer 1

I am a student of the eleventh grade. - лучше сказать так, хотя и Ваш вариант вполне подходит.

 

Julia is twenty-eight years old, she works as a teacher of Russian and literature.

 

Irina is twelve-five (Может быть Вы хотели сказть 25? Тогда можно написать так - Irina is twenty-five), she a doctor. На этом точка, by profession будет лишним.

 

Лучше использовать в самом начале ''my", иначе не совсем понятно, Ваша мама или племянников. My mother's name is Lyudmila.

 

Следующий фрагмент я бы так переписала.

My dad is Vladimir, he is a member of the Security Department. I forgot to mention one more member of our family. This is our favorite cat Eve.

 In the summer I like to make pictures of nature, it is so beautiful. (Обычно глагол photograph относится к людям, да и то его очень редко используют в данном контексте истинные англичане или американцы).

 I have almost thirty of them.

 

In 3 weeks I will finish my school... I want to be an economist in the industry of taxes (или in the tax industry) and taxation. 

 

А про семью совсем не в тему в самом конце, лучше это вставить перед предложением о кошке. Перед этим:

 

 I forgot to mention one more member of our family. This is our favorite cat Eve.

 

My grandparents are still very young. (Лучше всего закончит предложение и начать новое, иначе слишком громоздко звучит и выглядит) My grandmother is seventy three and my grandfather is eighty four. Grandma likes to work on the farm, and they spend all their time growing tomatoes, potatoes, onions, strawberries, raspberries.

 

A grandfather always something to master, he carpenter by profession. Данное предложение не совсем поняла, если интересует грамотный перевод, напишите мне в сообщения, переведу.